I wake with the story of my life ringing in my ears, a dream barely forgotten, and a pulsating of anxious energy. It is raining again this January morning. The sun weakly smiles through clouds of intermittent thunderstorms relieving me of the damp that has settled into the soles of my feet. The rain is not lead. Yet for me it is not peace. It is a call to stillness and silence that weighs my restless mind to soil. I am anxious about the future. this endless rain does not soothe but rather ignites the desires that have rooted in me and pulls me up and forward with the knowledge that my physical body can only move so fast. It is exhausting.
I woke this morning dreaming of whales. I looked at a website and it contained such pointers as, “emotion, creativity, breath of life, compassion and solitude.” I am an emotional creature dependent on the encouragement and touch of others. solitude frightens me. yet I will not pretend that a breath of creativity has swept through my body like spring. I feel as I once did. I am listening to the style of song and the style of art that is simplistic at its base and exudes a melancholy joy and appreciation for the least expensive pleasures available. I say melancholy, but perhaps that isn’t quite right. It is a joy that is not forced, it is a realness of experience and attitude that is not dripping in excitement and money. But is has waves of a reality burdened by price tag and desperation for interaction. Desperation that clings beautifully to people.
I woke this morning with a need for air.
I woke this morning with a need to feel alive.
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a photo collection! Over the summer I was in Austin, Texas and they had this little botanical garden off the side of the highway. They had the cutest koi fish pond, and I felt like I spiritually communed with these little water dogs. Seriously! They came up right to the side of the pond and just looked so happy! It started to rain and the pitter patter on the surface of the water was beautiful in contrast to the sleek orange of the fish. These images don’t really remind me to be mindful of the peaceful lines of life, but rather to remember to giggle like a summer rain.